It was the spring of 2010. My husband and I had been married for 7 years and just celebrated the first birthday of our son. My daughter was nearing the end of preschool and we felt like we were hitting a rhythm. The economy was in a heavy downward spiral. But we both had teaching jobs, and were grateful just be employed. We had family and church and friends and we felt blessed.
Then a phone call came one evening that my father in law had experienced a stroke. My husband rushed to the hospital and within hours he was heartbroken as this dear man walked into the arms of Jesus.
Little did either if us know during the following weeks of grief, that this was the beginning of eight long years of really hard, tragic, and tough circumstances for us.
We experienced multiple sudden deaths, life threatening health conditions, and catastrophic loss over those years. It felt often as if we were slowly drowning and could not catch a breath. I can remember asking God on more than one occasion “How much more”? I struggled with depression, anger, and bitterness.
I remember constantly fighting guilt because I knew that God had a plan in all the craziness. I knew deep in my heart that He was there, loving me, comforting me, and guiding.
One day when I had reached a point of utter grief, I read these precious words from King David:
I believe that I shall look upon goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!
Wait for the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage, wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:13-14
My pain didn’t go away that day. My perspective just changed. I realized that there is hope, despite the circumstances we are facing. That we can and will see the goodness of God.
The point of this post is not to rehash the details of what our family has endured. That is just part of our story. It is also not to diminish whatever circumstance you are finding yourself facing. Everyone has their own stories of loss, pain, and sadness. In the same vein everyone has their own stories of joy, victory, and triumph.
Rather it is to say that no matter what the circumstance God is faithful. He LOVES us and always walks with us even in our most profound grief. We will see His goodness. We do see His goodness.
In those years —and I am sure more to come I have witnessed the deep faithfulness of God and comfort and love like I have never seen. I have heard His heartbeat as He has held me close in my frustration, loneliness, and finite understanding of His omnipotent plan.
This website was born from my story.
In Ephesians 3:14-17 Paul in his writing to the church of Ephesus says:
For this reason, I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and earth are named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith…
Paul wanted the recipients of his letter to know the deep deep love of Jesus. He wanted them to realize that it is only through this understanding and acceptance do we gain the strength we need to endure whatever crazy this life brings our way.
When hard comes, I have learned to rest in this love. To say with others “God’s love sustains”. God is with me.
May you know this love and for this reason be filled! Love to you in whatever hard you face! You will see the riches! Be strengthened and hang in there!
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